I still my mind.
I enter the scene in my Grannies house to confront Dad about what he said to me in the dream. His words float through my mind: “You lack the ambition to see the other world and to go for it.”
Suddenly I am there with him and I immediately begin a conversation. I simply ask him what he meant.
He says: “See Stef, I’m only trying to help.”
I felt great empathy and connection with him as I can feel the sincerity of his words.
Then he says: “That other fella – he’s not your father.”
This creates an eerie feeling within me. Slowly I begin to understand that this dream figure is talking about my real father – my father in real life. I am confused at this thought – and I think to myself: “Is he saying that my actual Dad is not my father.”
I wrestle with this idea for a minute as my mind blazes through avenues of meaning. Then it dawns on me – This dream figure I am speaking to it the All Father – the one they call the Lord Almighty. I realize am talking with God.
“Shiva?” I say timidly.
This dream figure – who is in the form of my Dad – stares at me and his eyes become white. I feel a great presence enter the moment and then this dream figure morphs into a deity of blue skin. I feel great fear and begin begging this figure: “Lord Shiva, please guide me.”
He does not answer but simply stares. My mind races and I wonder does he want me to kill my father in the Freudian sense. I assume that my hunch was right and this figure is the Hidden Father.
I realize that he has been guiding me in my dreams.
He grows into his cosmic form and all that is left is the darkness of my mind and him. He begins dancing on my mind which I understand as his way of setting me free. He grabs my darting and orbiting intellect – which appears to me like mercury orbiting the sun – and he places it into his mouth. I realize he is destroying my mind in order to make way for his influence.
He morphs again – this time into the totem face – and he roars down on me like a dragon. This dragon breath is a magic breath which sweeps into my mind and carries me into a world of visions. I see cities being carved away by this magic breath. I get lost in this vision.
I drag my mind back to the dream vision and ask: “What have you just shown me?”
He does not answer, and the meditation weakens.
I realize it will have to wait until another day.
29 – January – 2016
“It is very easy to use dreams as a sort of escape from reality. Whatever my mood is I can wander off to the fantasy land of infinite possibility and wonder about the profound things that my dreams are saying about Life and Death. Reality and the dreamworld are usually conveniently separate.
This meditation challenged me so much because it completely crossed the boundaries between the two worlds. Namely when the dream figure who personified my father made the claim that he himself was my “real father” and that my Dad in reality was some form of impostor.
This was the dreamworld claiming a sovereignty over reality – a dangerous thought.
What followed this was a series of archetypal images about great masculine deities throughout world mythologies.
Shiva dancing on my mind is an allusion to a Indian idea that when a monk is ready to let go of all illusion – Shiva will appear and dance upon their mind destroying everything in them that is not worthy of enlightenment.
Similarly is all the mention of Father – which directly relates to the Christian tradition that I was loosely brought up in. The Lord God himself is supposed to be a great Father who set the universe in motion and has a great plan for us all to return to him in Heaven – hence the suggestion that he has been “guiding me in my dreams”.
A unique image is the one of the totem dragon that breathes a magic breath that wipes away cities. This is not an image that I have seen in any world religions – or anywhere else for that matter – suggesting it is a personal image.
This whole piece was a meditation session I did where I focused on one of my dreams. It gave me a lot of great images to consider and really made me realize that the bridge between this world and the world of ideas is not a one way street.”