I begin by drawing in my breath hard and rhythmically until my blood glows with the tingling feeling of oxygen saturation. The feeling washes away and parts like curtains revealing only the pulse of my heart in the center of my awareness. This steady pulse begins to vibrate throughout my whole body.
I then fall into various thought patterns on the nature of awareness, and all the avenues of thinking revolve around how small awareness is compared to unawareness.
Awareness is like a spotlight in the black.
I feel my heart, the engine of my life, imposing a halo of presence on the world around me, but I feel that it is my minds tiny funnel of awareness that is to small. Is this why they say to live through your heart?
I abandon the line of thinking, because I remember that I came here, within, to explore a dream.
I turn my focus to the dream image still etched upon my mind. It is Dr. Manhattan, the great blue figure from Watchmen who is trapped beneath the cartoon yellow sand of some beach. He is withering like a creature frustrated and in panic.
I approach him and something tells me he is the great Destroyer: Shiva. I free him from the sand, wary of his power and ask him to guide me. He replies: “Sure”.
He walks me across the sloping sands until the landscape begins to darken and shift and I ask him where he is taking me.
He explains that we are going into the depths of the unconscious. The landscape shifts and suddenly we are travelling through many, many complex hallways and paths.
As we are walking along a suspended walkway through a factory, I get a wave of anxiety and ask: “Will I ever be able to find my way out and go back?”
Dr Manhattan asks me firmly: “Do you want to ever be able to find you way out and go back?”
“Yes,” I reply.
He stars at me with his cosmic blue eyes and says conclusively: “Then you will not be free.”
A path morphs up in front of me and I know that it is the “Yes” path, so I follow it leaving Manhattan behind. All I find is dead ends
I realize while wandering through the dead ends that I missed an opportunity. I assure myself that I should have faith in myself, as I can never be lost or alone when I am the witness. The awareness which is passing through the darkness.
I say to myself as I begin focusing on my breathing again and coming out of the visions: “I will ask Manhattan what he has to show me next time”.
This short piece was the result of me practicing a meditation technique called Active Imagination. It involves taking a dream image and meditating on it to see what type of “message” it is trying to reveal. I think Manhattan’s answer to my doubts may have been this particular dreams “message”. I later revisited this meditation to see what Manhattan actually wanted to show me. You can find this sequel here – The Cosmic Viewpoint.